"The Nelson Club"
At the foot of Charles Street, at the south end of the works, stands the "Nelson's Workmen's Club," a spacious building of handsome elevation, the cost of which was generously defrayed by the firm of G. NELSON, DALE & Co.
The accommodation provided, includes on the ground floor a spacious entrance hall, an office, a public bar, a smoking and games room, library and reading room, lavatories, etc. A handsome staircase leads up from the hall to the first floor of the building, which contains three spacious and well-appointed billiard rooms, containing four tables by Burroughes and Watts, of the most approved kind and superior quality.
At the back of the entrance hall is a fine theatre, 90 feet in length by 36 in width, which is used as a dining hall in the middle of the day, and has attached to it a large kitchen fitted up with furnaces, ovens and ranges on a very extensive scale, where the work people can cook their own dinners.
The theatre or hall, which is fitted up to seat from 400 to 500 persons, possesses a stage fully equipped, with scenery which cost over £100. and a drop curtain recently painted by a London artist; adjacent are dressing rooms, lavatory etc. The stage is also furnished with the usual accessories for concerts, and has a fine toned piano by Collard & Collard.
Besides the various winter entertainments, Messrs. NELSON, DALE & Co.'s workpeople gut up annually a theatrical piece, acted entirely by themselves, which is played for two nights. The first entertainment is free to all the firms employes; the second night it is open to the public at a small charge, the surplus, after paying expenses, going to the funds of the club.
Referring to this social club we should here remark that Sir. Montague Nelson, K.C.M.G., is the President, whilst the Hon. Treasurer is Mr. J. Mottram and the Hon. Secretary Mr. W. Wallin.
The walls of the hall are adorned with many portraits, among them being those of the late Mr. George Nelson, the founder, and his partner, the late Mr. Dale, all enclosed in massive oak frames made from the oak taken from the old historic "King's School," which were carved by Mr. T. H. Kendall. There are also portraits of Mr. George Henry Nelson and others of the partners.
The Nelson Club Built in Wharf Street (Later Renamed Charles Street)
The Nelson Club Opening Ceremony at the Club rooms on Saturday 24th November 1883
The Toast List
Theatricals at the Nelson Club December 6th 1883
Nelson Club Theatre Charles Street Warwick
"Bitter Cold" A Story Of Two Christmas Eves and "Urgent Private Affairs"
A Domestic Drama In Two Acts
URGENT PRIVATE AFFAIRS.
By J. STIRLING COYNE, ESQ.,
The Nelson Club Thursday December 6th 1883
Dentatus Dott, (Dentist, and Loyal Hammersmith Volunteer) ... F. H. London
Major Polkinghorne, (of the same gallant corps) ...................... H. Colledge
Joe Jumballs, (a confectioner's shopman) .............................. JNO Mottram
Mr. Bagshaw, (a solicitor) ........................................................ H. Reeves
Mrs. Dentatus Dotts .................................................................. E. Brothers
Mrs. Polkinghorne ..................................................................... A. Maycock
Sally Vokins ............................................................................... L. Powell
Leader of the Orchestra ............................................................ Mr T. Rigg
DOTTS. Scarlet military frock coat, cut short, white breeches, high boots, chako with spike, steel-sheathed sabre, and white waist belt.
MAJOR. The same uniform, with cocked hat.
JUMBALLS. Nankeen trousers, white waistcoat and zephyr coat.
BAGSHAW. Black suit.
MRS. DOTTS. Muslin dress; dark shawl and bonnet for last scene.
MRS. POLKINGHORNE. Blue barege dress, bonnet and mantle.
SALLY. Smart lady's-maid's dress, green silk apron and cap, fashionable shawl and bonnet.
SCENE. The apartments of Dentatus Dotts, on the first floor, in a respectable street in London.
Time of representation, 50 minutes.
"URGENT PRIVATE AFFAIRS."
SCENE. A sitting room on the first floor, neatly furnished, in the apartments of MR. DENTATATUS DOTTS. Door of entrance from the stairs, U. E. R. ; another door 2 E. R. ; door of bed-chamber, 2 E. L.; fireplace, U. E. L.; practicable window, c. fiat ; three large geranium pots on window sill, outside. Table laid for supper, L. C.; an easy chair near the fire place, on which is thrown a gentleman's dressing gown; other chairs disposed about the room. A chiffonier, with drawers between the doors, R.; a mirror over the mantel-piece ; a fashionable bonnet and shawl on chair, R.
SALLY VOKINS discovered rubbing the steel-sheathed sabre of DOTTS, C.
SALLY. Well, sure-ly a sword like that ought to make any man a soldier; but master hasn't got no millingtary spirit in his bus'm: he's what he calls a compulsory volunteer.
DOTTS. (without, L.) I don't deny it, Mrs. Dotts; not in the least, Mrs. Dotts
Enter MR. and MRS. DOTTS, 2 E. L.
I don't at all deny the principle I admit the justice of your position, that when our country is menaced by a foreign foe is menaced by a foreign foe it is the duty of every Englishman who can draw a tooth I mean who eau draw a sword, to march to death or victory in tight boots; no, in defence of his native land. But I must say though I admire the theory, I find the practice far from pleasant.
MRS. D. Ah, do you not consider the glory you gain? the fame that awaits you when a grateful nation weeping over your cold corse-
DOTTS. Don't, Mrs. Dotts, don't; the picture is too dreadful!
MRS. D. Shall point to your dear remains and exclaim, "Behold a hero!"
DOTTS. Don't, I say. I'm not a hero; nature never meant me for a hero, ma'am ; she made me a dentist, and I feel that nature has made no mistake.
MRS. D. Think of the laurels that deck a soldier's brow.
DOTTS. And the colds in the head he catches on guard.
MRS. D. But when our country calls on us.
DOTTS. Our country is always calling on us, Mrs. D. There were two taxmen calling on us this morning, ma'am.
MRS. D. What does it matter, my dear, when you have such a martial appearance in your uniform.
SALLY. And don't master look tremendous when he gets his chateau on his head.
DOTTS. My chako, Sally. Yes, I dare say the effect is alarming; but a man has no business to sacrifice every comfort in life for his personal appearance. At your urgent request, Mrs. Dotts, I enrolled myself in the Loyal Hammersmith Volunteers, because you admired the uniform; but from the hour I joined that celebrated corps, I have not had a day's peace. What with attending drill when I should be attending to my business standing sentry when I ought to be lying asleep in bed learning to fire a gun without winking, and practising the broadsword with sticks, till my body is mottled over with all the colours of the rainbow, and I look like a natural harlequin I feel my civil constitution sinking under my military duties. (a knock at hall door, outside, R.
MRS. D. See who is at the door, Sally.
[Exit SALLY, R. U. E.
DOTTS. (sits by table, B.) However, my duty for the day is over, and now I mean to pull off these tight boots, and enjoy myself for the remainder of the evening. That march to Hampstead Heath has nearly knocked me up. I shall first have supper, and then a cigar and a glass of brandy and water. By-the-bye, my dear, what have you got for supper?
MRS. D. Well, I'm afraid there's nothing but a bone of cold mutton.
DOTTS. Bone of cold mutton, Mrs. Dotts! Cold mutton, ma'am ! Is cold mutton the reward of the gallant volunteer who has marched up Hampstead Hill in tight boots?
Re-enter SALLY, R. U. E.
SALLY. Please, sir, a sojer brought this letter from the Hoss Guards, which you're to attend to immediately. ( gives the letter to DOTTS.
MRS. D. From the Horse Guards, Dentatus? Ay, there's the Royal arms on the seal! Open it, my dear make haste ! I'm all in a tremor of impatience.
SALLY. Oh, mum! P'rhaps the Hoss Guards has made master a court martial.
DOTTS. A field marshal you mean, Sally. No, no, I'm not old enough for that honour by fifty years.
DOTTS. (opens the letter.) Hey- hum- what's this? (reads.) "You are required, on receipt of this, to proceed without delay to the main guard, where you will report yourself to Major Polkinghorne, or the officer on duty." Here, where's that fellow? Call him back, and tell him to present my compliments to the Horse Guards, and say, I'm sorry I can't go quite impossible. I'm going to supper. Say I'm sitting down to a bone of cold mutton in the bosom of my family.
MRS. D. My dear, you can't refuse; you must go. Our country demands sacrifices from us, and the brave soldier has only to obey.
DOTTS. But I'll not obey. I don't care for the consequences. They may try me on a drum head for mutiny, and sentence me to lose to lose my teeth. I'll submit to the operation calmly, for I made them myself; they may even take my head which I didn't make.
MRS. D. You know they won't take your head; it's of no use to any one but the owner, and not much use to Lim; so don't be ridiculous, but go at once. Your honour's at stake, Dotts.
DOTTS. My life's at stake, ma'am.
MRS. D. Make haste, Sally, his belt sabre and chako you have no time to lose, my love ; and you know, Major Polkinghorne is such a severe disciplinarian that he'll put you under arrest if you be late. (SALLY comes down L.with sabre and belt.)
DOTTS. Ha, ha ! I wish he may. There's nothing I should like better. Ecod, I'll tell you what I'll do, I'll put myself under arrest, and order myself into close confinement in my own apartments. (MRS. DOTTS and SALLY trying to buckle the waist-belt on DOTTS.)
MRS. D. Bless me, Dotts, how stout you're getting!
DOTTS. I believe I am running to waist, my dear; I've serious thoughts of going into the heavies.
MRS. D. Light or heavy, Dotts, you must go where glory waits thee.
SALLY. Ah, mum, how I long to see master march to the battle field, with his hamlet on his brow.
DOTTS. My helmet, you mean, Sally. Very well, Mrs. Dotts, I'll go, I'll go, but mind it's premeditated manslaughter, ma'am destruction of a dentist, ma'am, under aggravating circumstances. I'm not fit for active service to-night, ma'am, but it don't matter, I'll go since you wish it; I'll do my duty, though I have a conviction that I shall never survive it. (they have buckled the sabre on DOTTS. )
MRS. D. There! 'twill be but a few hours absence, my love!
DOTTS. (gloomily.) A few hours! who can tell what may happen in a few hours, (aside.) Why is she so anxious to get me away hum if she ha, hum no! yes! such things have been but I'll conceal my doubts. My chako, Sally. (SALLY brings chako, and mounting on a chair, putt it on his head.} And now good night, Mrs. Dotts. (goes towards R. U. E.
MRS. D. Adieu, dearest, (embrace.}
DOTTS. Adieu! farewell! good bye, once more, Partant pour la Syrie! [Exit door R. U. E.
(SALLY goes to window c. flat and looks out.
MRS. D. (apart.) Poor dear Dentatus has not much, military ardour. Ah! if I could only infuse into him some of my enthusiasm; the very sound of a trumpet sets my spirits in commotion, and the roll of a drum fills me with unspeakable rapture, (sits near table R.)
SALLY, (apart, and coming down R.) He's off at last ; and now if I can get missus to go to bed I shall have a comfortable chat, and a nice bit o' supper with Joe Jumballs. (yawns loudly.) Aw, aw! I beg pardon, mum, but don't you feel sleepy? I do- uncommon.
MRS. D. Not at all, Sally give me the Army List, 'tis there on the chiffonier I'll skim it over before I go to bed.
SALLY, (taking Army List from chiffonier, and apart.) 'Drat the Army List ! she'll sit up till all hours with it.
(A cab in the street is heard to stop and immediately after a loud knock at the hall door outside, R.
MRS. D. Now who on earth can that be? (SALLY runs off R. U. E. MRS. DOTTS looks out of Window.) A woman, I declare, (goes to door R. U. E. and listens off.) Why surely I know that voice it must be- it can be nobody but-
Enter MRS. POLKINGHORNE, R. U. E. followed by SALLY-
My dear Mrs. Polkinghorne.
MRS. P. Maria, my love, (embrace.) This is a late hour for my visit, you will say.
MRS. D. But never too late to be welcome. Come, sit down and tell me how you are; and how is Major Polkinghorne?
MRS. P. Don't ask me, hem! a (makes signs for MRS. DOTTS to send SALLY out of the room.)
MRS. D. (L. H.) You may go to bed, Sally.
SALLY. Thank'ee, mum. (going.) Ah! there's something they don't want me to know, going on between 'em.
[Exit 2 E. R. (MRS. POLKINGHORNE sits R. near table MRS DOTTS sits close to her, L.
MRS. P. Now I'll tell you, my dear. You must know the major and I have had a terrible quarrel.
MRS. D. Ah!
MRS. P. We were talking together after dinner quite sociably , when we happened to differ about the colour of the King of Sardinia's moustache; the major would have it that it was red, I maintained it was brown. / was positive, he was obstinate ; both stuck to our colours, until at last the dispute became so warm that I believe I called him "a brute," and he replied by hinting that I was "a tartar." Now no woman could tamely submit to that.
MRS. D. Of course not. And what did you do?
MRS. P. I wrote immediately to my trustee and legal adviser, an old friend of my family, Mr. Bagshaw, of Lincoln's Inn, telling him I wanted to consult him on "urgent private affairs;" but as I could not with propriety all on him at his chambers, and it would not do to let him come to my house, I thought I might use the privilege of an old friend, and appoint to see him here.
MRS. D. Certainly, my dear Mrs. Polkinghorne, certainly.
MRS. P. And the major being on duty to-night, I named ten o'clock for Mr. Bagshaw to meet me.
MRS. D. Oh! very well. But, my dear, you look pale and worried: should you not like to lie down and compose yourself ? My husband is also out on duty tonight, so you can repose upon my bed until your lawyer comes.
MRS. P. Thank you; I do feel a little disturbed, and will trespass on your kindness.
(MRS. DOTTS takes one of the candles, and goes to door, 2 E. L.
MRS. D. (at door, 2 E. L.) There, that door at the end of the passage is my room. I'll call you when Mr. Bagshaw comes.
MRS. P. A thousand thanks, my dear. (takes candle from MRS. DOTTS,) You shan't come a step further.
[Exit, 2 E. E.
MRS. D. Well, I can't understand how some married people are always quarrelling about trifles. Now Dentatus and I never differ, except on one point; I'm enthusiastically military, and he's decidedly pacific in his policy. Ah, good gracious ! now I think of it, I forgot to give him his brandy flask which he always carries with him when he has a night guard ; and he has left his umbrella behind him too in his confusion, (runs to chiffonier, opens it, and takes out a brandy flask.) The poor fellow must have his brandy but how am I to send it to him? Sally is in bed, and it would be cruel to call her up; what shall I do? Hey! If I were to go myself; the guard house is only a few minutes walk from here. Dentatus will be flattered by my attention to his little wants; yes, I will go. There's an old bonnet and cloak in the parlour which I will put on, and nobody will mind me. (takes umbrella.) How surprised and delighted he will be.
[Exit R. U. E., after blowing out candle on table.
(Stage dark. As soon as she has left, SALLY peeps in at door 2 E. R.
SALLY. All dark. Then missus has gone to bed, and the coast's clear, (retires, and immediately re-enters with a tray on which is a cold fowl, and other viands for supper; glasses and a candle are also on the tray.) Now, if Joe Jumballs keeps his appointment we shall be so cozy. Oh, dear, shan't we! I've got that cold roast duck which the cat stole yesterday; and a nice bit of apple pie, that master wouldn't believe was eaten by the black beadles; and a pot of anchovies; and a cream cheese; and a bag of walnuts; (takes the extinguished candle from table and puts it on mantel-piece; takes decanter of wine from chiffonier, and puts it on table.) And there's the remainder of that decanter of sherry, that I daresay missus 'll be mean enough to inquire after. But I don't care for her aggravation; if she sends me away, Joe will marry me, he as good as told me he would the last time as ever we walked together. To be sure, he don't know I'm only a servant, he thinks I'm a young person with an old guardian, who wants to marry me hisself, and keeps me shut up here like a lark in a cage. (a cornet-a-piston is played, much out of tune, outside under the window.) Hah! that's his cornucopean under the window, playing the "Ratcatcher's Daughter." I musn't let him in though till I have made myself up to receive him as a lady; here's missus's bonnet and shawl, (she takes a fashionable bonnet and shawl from a chair, B., puts them on, and looks at herself in the glass over the chimney piece.) That will do, I think; and stay, here's missus's watch, I'll put that on too. (takes watch from mantel-shelf and puts it on.) And now to open the door for Joe.
[Exit SALLY, R. U. E.
(The cornet presently stops playing, and after a short Interval-
SALLY, (outside.) Have done, Mr. Jumballs, do;-
Enter SALLY, followed by JUMBALLS, who carries a cornet-a-piston, R. U. E .)
-You are really too forrud.
JUMB. ( aside.) What intense virtue! (lays the corneta-piston on chiffonier.) Forgive me, sweet Malvina, 'twas your heavenly beauty made me for a moment forget myself. That's a becoming bonnet on your back.
SALLY. I'm glad you think so. I was just a trying it on, with this shawl, which my millinger sent me home, when I heard your signal, (taking off the shawl and bonnet.
JUMB. Allow me. (he takes the shawl and bonnet, and places them on the chiffonier.) Delicious waist you have for a polka, (hums a polka tune, takes her by the waist, and begins to dance.
SALLY. For goodness sake, don't make such a noise.
JUMB. Oh, demmit, I forgot your guardian, eh? Where does the old griffin repose?
SALLY. Where ! in there, (points to door, 2 E. L.) You must be very quiet.
JUMB. As a mouse, my angel, (seeing the supper on table.) Hah! what's this? Supper, by Jove! this is truly considerate. I've had rather an early dinner to-day, and shall enjoy my supper amazingly.
SALLY. (R.) Then sit down, and partake of my little cold collegian.
JUMB. (L.) Fascinating Malvina, I obey your commands. (kisses her hand, and hands her to a chair at R. of table, and sits on opposite side himself.
SALLY. You see what's before you, Mr. Jumballs?
JUMB. (looking at her.) I see all that's lovely before me.
SALLY, (takes jug which is on the table.) Good gracious! (starts tip with jug in her hand, and comes forward.
JUMB. (alarmed.) Bless me!
SALLY, (apart, in a traffic tone.} The beer! I forgot the beer!
JUMB. (rises.} What's the matter?
SALLY. Oh, nothing, nothing don't stir, (apart.)} I'll run to the public house round the corner, (aloud,) Something I thought of. I must beg your parding for leaving you, but I'll be back directly. Pray igscuse me!
JUMB. Don't mention it, miss. (SALLY exits R. U. E., with a profound curtsey, concealing the jug she carries. JUMBALLS bows to her as she goes.) Hah, there's grace and dignity! There's no mistaking the manners of high life. Jumballs, my boy, you had your wits about you the evening you danced with her at Cremorne, ha! ha! ha! ha! She takes me for a gentleman, in the unlimited sense of the word; but what would she say if she knew I was only a confectioner's shopman! (sits.) During her temporary absence, i'll take the liberty of drinking her health. (he pours out a glass of wine, and is about drinking it, when a noise is heard of some person stumbling up stairs.
DOTTS. (outside on landing, R.) Confound the chair! Why do they leave them about. I've nearly broken my leg over it.
JUMB. (rising in alarm.} Bless me! that's a man's voice ! he's coming up stairs. If I should be found here, I shall be handed over to the police as a burglar, or housebreaker. I must conceal myself somewhere. Stay, here is a room, (takes candle, crosses and opens door, 2 E. R.) Empty! this will do. (blows out candle, puts it on chiffonier, goes into room.
Enter DENTATUS DOTTS, R. U. E., splashed and dirtied; he wears a battered, mud-died hat, instead of his chako, and carries his sabre in his hand. Stage dark.
DOTTS. Hey, no light anywhere! Mrs. Dotts must have have gone to bed. (lays sabre on chair. J Perhaps I may be able to find a candle, (crosses to fire-place, and finds the candle on mantel-piece; lights an allumette at the fire, and with it lights the candle. Surveys himself in the mirror over the fire-place.) Melancholy spectacle ! how shall I present myself in this state to my wife! How shall I account for my appearance here when she believes me to be on duty! I can't tell her I suspected she had private reasons for desiring my absence to-night; and that, acting on the suggestion of the green-eyed monster, I obtained from the officer of the guard permission to return home on" Urgent private affairs." I can't tell her that; nor must I tell her that as I was passing the theatre, returning home, I observed amongst the people who were coming out two persons, one of whom was furnished with an alarming pair of whiskers, the other I only saw her back but I felt satisfied it was Mrs. D. All the Othello was roused within me: I called to my wife, but she did not mind me; on the contrary, she stepped deliberately into a cab with the whiskers, and they drove off. Human nature could stand no more. I rushed madly after the vehicle shouting, stop thief! fire! murder! stop the cab! and at Waterloo Bridge it was stopped by an accidental policeman. I called to the proprietor of the whiskers to surrender my wife; but when I looked in her face, great heavens! it was not Mrs. D.! Of course, I attempted to apologize, but the enraged proprietor of the whiskers, instead of accepting my excuses, knocked me down in the most peremptory manner; then we had a tussle, in which I lost my chako, and picked up this disgraceful pretence for a hat, (takes off hat.} with which I was glad to escape. And now what's to be done. Shall I confess all to my. wife; throw myself on my knees before her, saying, "Behold the miserable and muddy remains of what was once your Dentatus, come to implore your forgiveness!" Yes, I'll trust to her generosity, and make the touching appeal at once. [Exit with candle into room, 2 E. L.
(Stage dark. JUMBAALS then puts in his head from door 2 E. R.
JUMB. (peeping in.) All's quiet now. That fellow, whoever he was, is gone, (coming out.) Malvina! Malvina ! What can have kept her. I don't feel at all comfortable here; and if I could only find my hat and my cornet-a-piston, I'd try to get quietly out of the house. (he crosses to the easy chair, L.
DOTTS. (speaking in room 2 E. L.) No, I can't I haven't the courage to appear before her.
JUMB. Ha! here he comes again. What shall I do. Ah! (sits in the easy chair, and huddles himself under Dottt* dressing gown, which has been thrown on the chair.
Enter DOTTS, with candle, 2 E. L.
DOTTS. It's no use, I can't my heart failed me when I reached the door. I thought of the shock my sudden appearance in this dilapidated condition might give my wife; so I've resolved to reserve the painful disclosure until morning. I can sit here by the fire in the arm-chair till daylight, (places his candle on table c., and sees supper.) Hey what's this? My wife has been having supper. (raises dish-cover.) Hey the devil! Roast duck, anchovies, apple pie, cream cheese all the delicacies of the season; and she told me there was nothing but a cold mutton bone in the house! Hah! the green-eyed monster awakes again in my bosom. Who were these luxuries intended for? Hah! some favoured guest; two plates, two glasses, and (takes up glass, and tastes the wine.) my best sherry. Oh, woman! woman! Falsehood thy name is, Mrs. Dotts! (he drops into the easy chair.)
JUMB. (shouting.} Hoh! hollo! don't!
DOTTS. (starting up.) What's that? (pulls the dressing gown off the chair, and discovers JUMBALLS, who rushes down in great terror, L. holding the dressing-gown before him. DOTTS seizes poker, and comes down, K.
JUMB. (L.) I beg pardon, I fear I have made a mistake; but I'm going when I've found my hat and my cornet-a-piston.
DOTTS. (R.) Oh! (aside.} This is the destroyer of my hearthstone. (JUMBALLS is stealing off round the table.) Stay, retiring stranger! (stops him, and brings him down R.) What are you doing here? Who are you? What are you? What's your name?
JUMB. (L.) My name is Jumballs Joe Jumballs. I'm I'm in the confectionery line.
DOTTS. (R.) Oh, the confectionery line. Judging from, appearances, I should say that your line is not the line of beauty. But what is your business here?
JUMB. Business! Oh, none none in particular. (aside.) He glares at me like a tiger!
DOTTS. Oh, none in particular very good, (he goes to window and throws it up.) You say none?
JUMB. N-n-none! (aside.) What does he mean by opening the window?
DOTTS. (coming down.) Once again, I ask you, what was the object of your visit? Answer directly, or (points significantly to the window.
JUMB. (terrified.) I-I-a-a-am-II
DOTTS. (solemnly.) Speak! the soldier and the dentist await your reply.
JUMB. The dentist! (aside.} Happy thought! Oh! I remember now, my business was with the dentist. (claps his handkerchief to his jaw.) I was accidentally passing your door, when I read on a brass plate that teeth were extracted within. I recollected, at that moment, that I had a shocking bad tooth; the pain was agonizing maddening ; I had one shilling in my pocket, and, in my delirium, I rushed up stairs to have it out.
DOTTS. The shilling?
JUMB. No the tooth.
DOTTS. (aside.) The scoundrel lies; but I'll have the truth from him, or I'll not leave a grinder in his head. (with affected suavity.) Take a seat, my good sir, (places easy chair, c.) till I examine your stock of ivory.
JUMB. Haw ! hum ! I don't think there will be any occasion, thank you; the pain is quite gone. The moment I set my eyes upon you it left me.
DOTTS. All imagination, sir; it hasn't left you; you're in torture now, sir, though you don't know it. (pushes him into easy-chair.) Sit down open your mouth, and let me inspect the premises. Where is this tooth?
JUMB. (frightened.) On the right no I mean on the le e ft si hi hide, at the back in the upper; no, not the hu hup hupper, but lo low er ja haw haw haw!
DOTTS (looking into Jumball's mouth.) One bad tooth! Why you haven't a sound one in your head, sir. There are thirty-two of them that will have to come out immediately.
JUMB. (endeavouring to rise, is held down by DOTTS. ) Thirty-two! Why that's all I possess in the world. I won't submit to it let me go!
DOTTS. (holding him.) Let you go, with those thirty-two etchers in your mouth? No, sir, you came here for professional assistance, and professional assistance you shall have. They must all come out.
JUMB. A a all?
DOTTS. All, sir. Nothing less than complete extirpation will answer. (he goes to the chiffonier R., and takes a tooth-drawing instrument from drawer.
JUMB. Gracious Heavens, what's that?
DOTTS. Oh, this is my instrument it won't give you the slightest pain the sensation it produces is rather pleasant than otherwise, (mounts on a chair behind the easy chair.) I know a distinguished nobleman who comes here regularly to have a tooth drawn when his spirits are low, now hold back your head and we'll commence operations don't be alarmed I have such a strong wrist that I'll whip them out like cribbage pegs the worst that can happen is a broken jaw.
JUMB. (starting out of the chair.) A broken jaw! stand off don't come near me, I don't want a dentist I protest against having thirty two achers extracted and I decidedly object to a broken jaw.
DOTTS. (aside.) I knew it was a lie. But you haven't come for nothing? There has been a supper here?
JUMB. Yes, a supper I was invited to sup by an individual a female individual, in fact whom I am waiting for.
DOTTS. Oh! you're waiting for her um ! Now, sir, answer me who is she? What's her name?
JUMB. I really don't know she never told me her name, but I called her Malvina I met her one evening at the Casino.
DOTTS. (aside.) Ah ! when I was on duty.
JUMB. Where she wore that shawl and bonnet, (points to Mrs. Dotfs' shawl and bonnet on the chiffonier.)
DOTTS. That shawl and bonnet! My wife's!
JUMB. Your wife's?
DOTTS. Miscreant confectioner! Prepare this instant to quit the domicile you have outraged, (snatches his sabre from chair and draws it.)
JUMB. I'm quite ready to go when I've found my hat and cornet-a-piston.
DOTTS. Your hat, your cornet-a-piston, and yourself shall quit by the window.
JUMB. The window! what do you mean? if you throw me out, I'm a dead man,
DOTTS. That's your affair but out you go. (throws away sabre and pushes JUMBALLS to window.)
JUMB. (struggling.) Oh lord! Oh lord! Help! Murder! Ah! (DOTTS forces him against the window; in the struggle JUMBALLS pushes over a large geranium pot from the window sill it falls into the street from whence is heard a crash and a groan.
DOTTS. (letting JUMBALLS go.) Good Heavens, what's that? (comes down R.)
JUMB. (looks out of window.) There, you've gone and done it. You've shoved that big geranium pot over on a man's head, and killed him. He's lying on the flags as flat as a pancake
DOTTS. Spare the harrowing .description it's a shocking business; (confidentially.) but we must keep it quiet.
JUMB. We you mean you.
DOTTS. No, we, we. You know you're an accomplice in the dreadful deed I pushed you and you pushed the pot on the unfortunate man's head In the eye of the law and that's an eye which never winks you're a guilty party we row in the same boat; and if we don't take care, we shall hang on the same rope.
JUMB. Well, as I don't seem to care for that sort of an alliance, I think I'd better go. (attempting to go.)
DOTTS. Never, never! (aside.) He wants to turn Queen's evidence. Stay, inhuman pieman have you no bowels no pity for an unhappy dentist? I have a plan by which we can escape suspicion, (takes his arm confidentially.) Listen! There are three more geranium pots outside the window above this, I'll go quietly and fetch the largest of them and put it in the place of the one we have thrown over; when the police come they'll find no pot missing from my window sill then who can say we did it?
JUMB. You did it.
Douus. Never mind; go into that room there and keep quiet.
JUMB. But I've had no supper yet.
DOTTS. Voracious vampire, to think of supper at such a moment, (takes the duck and the pie and gives them to JUMBALLS.) There, go in quick not a word. (JUMBALLS goes into room 2 E. R. DOTTS locks the door, taking key with him.) There, his mouth is stopped for the present, and now to fetch the flower-pot. [Exit R. U. E.
Enter MRS. POLKINGHORNE, 2 E. L.
MRS. P. Dear me, what a dreadful uproar. It's impossible to rest with the noise they make in this house. I wonder how Mrs. Dotts can stand it. She's not here, though, and everything now is as still as a churchyard. I wish Bagshaw was come 'tis past the hour I appointed but these lawyers like to keep people waiting so I suppose I must be patient.
Enter DOTTS R U. E. carrying a large geranium pot.
MRS. P. (seeing DOTTS, utters an exclamation.) Hah!
DOTTS. (drops the geranium pot, which breaks.) Hoh!
MRS. P. Why, Mr. Dotts, how you startled me.
DOTTS. Mrs. Polkinghorne! Bless me! What are you doing here?
MRS. P. Hush your wife knows she'll tell you; a little private business I expect a friend to meet me here.
DOTTS. Here? You said a friend? Mrs. Polkinghorne you behold before you a man, nay more, a dentist, ma'am, a volunteer, ma'am who implores you to compassionate his sufferings, (he drops on his knees.)
MRS. P. This language, this attitude, Mr. Dotts; what does it mean?
DOTTS. (rising.) Madam Mrs. Polkinghorne I ask pardon my agitation my emotion has betrayed me into an indiscretion. I was about asking you a question on which my peace of mind depends. Is the person the friend whom you expect excuse the liberty is your friend of the masculine order?
MRS. P. Yes. The person you allude to is a gentleman.
DOTTS. And you invited him to meet you here?
MRS. P. Certainly.
DOTTS. Bravo! (embraces MRS. POLKINGHORNE.) I beg pardon again. My dear Mrs. Polkinghorne, I am happy to tell you that your friend is here; he has been waiting some time for you in this room, (unlocks door, 2 E. R. MRS. POLKINGHORNE goes up, R.; DOTTS speaking in a suppressed voice to JUMBALLS inside.) Jumballs! come out old fellow, she's here.
Enter JUMBALLS picking a bone of the duck.
JUMB. ( apart to DOTTS.) Well, what's the row now? Have you been pitching anymore flowerpots onto people's heads?
DOTTS. (aside.) Hush! not a word upon that head. She's here Malvina the female individual yonder she stands. Excuse me for a moment, (aside.) I'll go and confess all to Mrs. Dotts. [Exit into room, 2 E.L.
JUMB. Malvina, my beloved!
MRS. P. (advancing to meet him, stops short in surprise.) Ah! this is a mistake, sir.
JUMB. Hey! you are not Malvina.
MRS. P. Nor. you Mr. Bagshaw.
JUMB. Not in the least.
(DOTTS rushes out of the room 2 E. L.
DOTTS. (L.) She's not there not the smallest fragment of her. Mrs. Polkinghorne, where's my wife where's Mrs. Dotts?
MRS. P. (C.) I have not the remotest idea. I left her here a short time ago. But who is this person whom you have intruded upon me as my friend?
DOTTS. Well, is he not your friend and my friend, and everybody's friend your friend, Jumballs?
MRS. P. Jumballs! I'm waiting for Mr. Bagshaw.
DOTTS. (crosses to R.) Bagshaw! Then why the devil nre you not Bagshaw, Jumballs? What do you mean, sir, by not being Bagshaw? You're an impostor, Jumballs.
(loud knocking at hall door outside. DOTTS runs to window and looks out.
DOTTS. The devil! it's Polkinghorne the major!
MRS. P. My husband?
DOTTS. Your husband, (another loud knock.)
MRS. P. For Heaven's sake let me conceal myself somewhere. You don't know the major's jealous temper; if he finds me here, and your wife absent, he will be outrageous! (knock outside.)
DOTTS. What's to become of us? (runs to door, R. U. E.) Good Heavens! The people below have let him in, and he's coming up stairs. Run into Mrs. D's room. (MRS. POLKINGHORNE runs off 2 E.L,.)
JUMB. (aside.) There'll be a row here, so I'd better keep out of the way, and take the sherry with me. (takes decanter from table and goes into room, 2 E. R.)
DOTTS. (coming from door U. E. R.) I'll meet him with a gay and careless demeanour, though I'm quaking like a jelly, (knock at door, R. U. E.) Co come in.
Enter MAJOR POLKINGHORNE, R. U. E.
MAJOR. The circumstances, madam (sees DOITS.) Ha! Mr. Dotts! You here, sir ! What's the meaning of this, sir? As your commanding officer I ask you, why have you left your duty, sir?
DOTTS. (L.) Hum why take a chair, major, and let us discuss the matter quietly.
MAJOR. (H.) No, sir, I will not take a chair I will not discuss the matter quietly. You were under orders for special and important duty to-night. Why have you quitted it?
DOTTS. Why have I quitted it? What a question ! when I had " Urgent private affairs " to attend to at home. You know every man has "Urgent private affairs." I'll engage, now, you have "Urgent private affairs " yourself, major. Eh? Of course you have and I don't blame you in the least for quitting your public duty to look after them.
MAJOR. Very well, sir I say very well. Suppose for once you're right. Suppose I returned home this evening at an earlier hour than usual, on "Urgent private affairs" and discovered that during my absence my wife had quitted my house left her quarters, sir-
DOTTS. Her quarters, major?
MAJOR. Yes, sir left her quarters, sir in a cab without leave.
DOTTS. That's exactly my case, major. Mrs. D. is gone too gone! It's frightful to contemplate what military men are exposed to when they turn their back to the enemy abroad or at home.
MAJOK. Very well, sir but I've not done. Suppose, I say, that I found the cabman who drove my wife, and that I have traced her to this house.
DOTTS. To this house, major?
MA JOR. Yes, sir, to this house and to these apartments.
DOTTS. My dear major, you don't imagine that I I
MAJOR. Silence, sir! The whole business is perfectly clear. You first contrive that your wife shall be absent; then my wife comes here secretly then you evade your military duty, and return home on "Urgent private affairs" and then, sir, the injured husband stands before you, demanding satisfaction for his wounded honour.
DOTTS. (aside.) What will become of me?
MAJOR. You hear me, sir satisfaction!
DOTTS. Dear me! I'll think about it; there's no necessity for being in a hurry. Can't you call again to-morrow?
MAJOR. This moment, sir, in this room. I've got a brace of revolvers here, sir. (takes two revolvers out of a case which he carries.
DOTTS. Revolvers! (aside.) The very name makes my head spin round.
MAJOR. We can have six shots a-piece.
DOTTS. Six shots (aside.) One will do for me.
MAJOR. Are you ready, sir?
DOTTS. No, I'm not, and I don't think I shall be ready for a long while. I'm of opinion I shall never be ready.
MAJOR, (advancing upon him.) How you refuse?
DOTTS. Emphatically, major. Don't come near me, or I'll shout. Help! murder! murder!
Enter MRS. POLKINGHOBNE, 2 E. L.; he rushes between them.
MRS. P. (C.) Stop, rash man!
MAJOR. (R.) Oh, madam, you are here and you think to save him from my vengeance-
MRS. P. But he is innocent I'll swear it.
DOTTS. (L.) We'll both swear it.
JUMBALLS enters 2 E. R., with the decanter in his hand; he is half drunk.
JUMB. Ho! ho! ho! Don't believe him. I know all about it. He's guilty, and I'll prove it. Nothing's too bad for him; so I say throw him out of the window throw him out ho! ho! ho!
MAJOR. A famous suggestion! Come, sir, come; you see your way out of this room (pointing to window.)
DOTTS. No, major, no - the window - I can't - only hear me - just look before you make me leap!
MAJOR, (shouting.} No, sir, no, damme no!
Enter MRS. DOTTS, hastily, R. U. E.
MRS. D. Goodness bless us, what's the matter? what is it all about?
DOTTS. Oh, Mrs. D! Mrs. D! where have you been? You're come to see your devoted Dentatus pitched like an empty strawberry pottle out of that window.
MAJOR. Madam, you will share my resentment, when I tell you that I found my wife here, in the company of your husband; a clandestine meeting, madam during your absence.
MRS. D. You're quite wrong, major; Mrs. Polkinghorne's visit was to me. I left her resting in my room, while I went to the guard-house with my husband's brandy flask and umbrella, which he had forgotten.
DOTTS. Considerate angel!
MRS. D. But I found that he had obtained leave of absence for the night, and had come home
DOTTS. On "Urgent private affairs." Now, major, consult your own manly chest, and say what you think of me.
MAJOR. I confess, notwithstanding appearances, that I believe I have suspected you wrongly, (crosses to R. C., to MRS. POLKINGHORNE.) But I have not yet been told, Mrs. Polkinghorne, the object of your visit to Mrs. Dotts at such an unusual hour, madam.
MRS. P. It is to be explained in your own conduct, major. After our quarrel this evening, I had made up my mind to part from you, and had written to Mr. Bagshaw to meet me here to-night at ten o'clock.
Enter BAGSHAW with DOTTS, R. U. E., chako under his arm.
MRS. D. And here is Mr. Bagshaw, himself.
BAG. (coming forward.) Excuse me, Mrs Polkinghorne, for not being more punctual, but I met with two such unfortunate accidents. First, as I was going home in a cab with my wife, we were pursued by a madman.
DOTTS. (aside.) It's the very man. Oh, yes, we know you need not trouble yourself entering into particulars.
BAG. But allow me to say, sir Hey! why as I live, you were the person it was you who called to the police to stop the cab, and when I got out and knocked you down.
DOTTS. Never mind that I forgive you, Bagshaw there's your hat, old fellow, (he gives BAGSHAW his battered hat.)
BAG. Thank you, and there's you chako, which I picked up. It was a lucky exchange, though, for it saved my life I was just going to knock at the door of this house, when a huge flowerpot fell, by design or accident on my head.
DOTTS. A flower pot on your head and my bullet proof chako preserved that skull!
BAG. As it was- I was only stunned, and being carried into a neighbouring surgeon's, I speedily recovered.
DOTTS. My dear Bagshaw, I congratulate you 'pon my life I do. (shakes his hand.) I congratulate myself too; in fact I congratulate everybody except that infernal pieman, whom nobody knows.
Enter SALLY, with a jug of beer, R. U. E.
JUMB. Stop ! here's my dear Malvina; she knows me.
MRS. D. Malvina! Why that's our servant, Sally.
JUMB. (apart.) Servant! Whew!
SALLY. Oh, mum, pray excuse him; he's a young man I have a regard for, and he came here to-night to sit with me. It's so lonely, mum; and I went out for a drop of beer, but I forgot my latch-key, and was timerous of ringing the bell.
DOTTS. Oh, you were timerous of ringing the bell; but your young man wasn't timerous of eating my roast duck, and drinking my sherry. I think, Sally, for the future peace of society, you had better get married to the pieman without delay.
SALLY. I'm quite agreeable if Mr. Jumballs is willing.
JUMB. Well, I don't understand it, but I suppose it's my fate and I can't help myself.
DOTTS. Of course it is your fate, Jumballs. Take her, and be a happy pieman for the rest of your miserable days! And now, matters being settled comfortably, only one difficulty remains: Ladies and gentlemen, I ask yon was I not justified in coming home to-night on "Urgent Private affairs?" If you think so say so; and I promise for the future that no "Urgent Private Affairs" shall ever keep me from the post of "Public Duty.”
MRS. DOTTS - DOTTS - BAGSHAW - SALLY - MAJOR P - JUMBALLS - Mrs. P
Transcribed by ajl 03-04 Sept 2011
Nelson Club Billiards Hall
(Sir) Edward Montague Nelson's Scrapbook from !882 (Warwick Advertiser)
Rules & Regulations - The Nelson Working Men's Social Club - Established 1881
Established January 1881
Emscote Mills Warwick
Presidend - E M Nelson Esq.
Treasurer - Mr J Mottram : Secretary - Mr J Wallin
G H Nelson Esq. Mr John Cookes. E M Nelson Esq. Mr W Woodfield. Mr J Mottram. Mr G Wallington
Mr W Wallin. Mr R Ward. Mr T Lester. Mr W Russell. Mr H Colledge. Mr Joseph Evans.
The Club shall Be Called "The Nelson" Working Men's Club.
The objects of this club are to afford to the members the means of social intercourse. mutual helpfulness, mental and moral improvement, and national recreation.
The club shall be open to Men above 18 years of age who are in the employment of Messrs Nelson, Dale & Co. The subscription shall be 1d per week or 1s per quarter. All subscriptions to be paid in advance and to be received by the Secretary. Each Member will receive a Ticket of Membership.
The General Meeting of the Club shall be annual, and shall take place in the second week of January.
The governing party shall consist of a Committee of twelve Members, four to be nominated by Messrs Nelson, Dale & Co., the remaining eight to be elected by the Members, a President, Secretary and Treasurer to be chosen from the committee; five to form a chorum.
The committee shall be elected at the Annual General Meeting, and shall meet at the Club rooms on the first Tuesday of the month, at 7.30pm; The Secretary or Treasurer must be present. The Secretary to have power to call a meeting of the Committee at any other time should it appear to him to be desirable to do so. A Special General Meeting of Members shall be called by the Secretary, on a requisition signed by at least twelve members, specifying the object of such Meeting, and giving seven days notice.
That all books, papers and games shall be approved by the Committee.
Each of the elected Members of the Committee shall in rotation attend at the Club-room, when upon to Members, for one week to receive the daily statement of the person in charge, and any money he may have received on account of the Club. The name of the committeeman in attendance for the week shall be posted in the rooms; in place of his absence he shall procure the attendance of another member of the Committee, the week to commence on Saturday and end on the following Friday. At the end of each week the committeeman on duty to hand of the statement of account and all monies he may have received to the Secretary. who shall produce the same at the monthly meeting.
Should any profits arise from the sale of coffee, refreshments or beer, they shall be carried to the credit of the Club Fund, for the benefit of the Members generally, and no individual shall derive any advantage from the sale thereof. The quantity of beer supplied to any member in one day shall be limited to three glasses-one between 1 and 2pm., and two in the evening. The beer must be consumed on the Club premises.
That the Club be open week-days only, and that refreshments be between the hours of 8 & 9pm, and 6 & 10pm., except on Saturdays, when the hours will be 8 to 9am, and 2 and 10pm; the club to be closed at 10 o'clock pm; if no member is present at 9.30 the person may close at the hour.
Any Member entering the Club in a state of intoxication to be at once requested to leave, and any Member swearing or using bad language, quarrelling or otherwise mis-conducting himself, to be fined 6d. For the second offence the Member shall be suspended till the Committee report on his conduct; the Member fined shall be excluded from the Club until the fine be paid. The fines shall be part of the funds of the club.
No books, papers or games to be removed from the rooms without the sanction of the Committee.
No gambling, betting or playing for money be allowed; any breach of this ~Rule to be punished by fine or dismissal, at the discretion of the committee.
Any Member breaking or destroying any property belonging to the club shall pay the full value of the same.
No member shall retain any newspaper more than ten minutes after another Member has asked for it.
These Rules to be posted in a conspicuous place in the rooms, and the attention of every new Member directed thereto. A copy shall also be supplied to any new Member upon application to the Secretary.
All notices shall be placed in a conspicuous place in the rooms.
All complaints shall be referred to the Committee, who shall consider and dispose of the same, and their decision be final and binding upon the Members.
The Committee shall make such bye-laws as may be necessary for the conducting of the Club, provided there be nothing therein contained contrary to the Rules.
No new Rule shall be made nor any of the Rules herein contained or hereafter to be made, shall be amended, altered or rescinded, unless with the consent of the majority of the Members present at a General Meeting of the Club specially called for that purpose; according to Rule VI. seven days notice of proposed alteration being given.
A Brief History of The Nelsons Of Warwick
Compiled for the benefit of Warwickians and Others by Anthony James Leahy
Rediscovering the Gelatine Factory
The Gelatine Factory
A comprehensive account 1899
from Round About Warwick
Nelson's Emscote Mills 2009
T B Dale
Cement Works at Stockton
The Nelson Brothers
George H Nelson
Sir E Montague Nelson
A Visit to
Messrs. G. Nelson, Dale & Co. 1880
Tomoana New Zealand
Guy Montague Nelson
Charles St, Warwick
The Lawn at Emscote
packaging & adds
Swinborne v Nelson
Warwick Advertiser account 1953
Descendants of George Nelson
George Wyatt A city trade jubilee
Nelson's Heritage Walk
Gelatine and its uses
SMITH V NELSON 1904-5
Mary Hooper Letters
Mary Hooper Book Collection
Nelson's Home Comforts
Wives and Housewives
Cookery for Invalids
Every Day Meals
Hints on Cookery
Good Plain Cookery
Handbook for the
Our Dog Prin
Ways & Tricks of Animals
Lily's Letters from the Farm
Charles Wentworth Wass
Round About Warwick
Fleur De Lys
The Pie Factory at Emscote
Cookery & Home Comforts
Art & Photography
A Major Arcana
Compiled for the benefit of Warwickians and Others by Anthony James Leahy
A Walk in Warwick
Book Wanted Handbook For The Breakfast Table
Book Wanted Wives and Housewives A Story For The Times
3 The Butts
PAT Portable Appliance Testing
Amber Leahy Graphic Design
Sky Blue Heaven